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My Bumper Bee Forever♥
Friday, July 16, 2010. Y
My Beloved♥

I wanted to say sorry in MSN that I’m in wrong.
But you sure will ask have I know my mistake or sorry for?

To mi, my feeling; its just cant avoid, if I feel miserable or jealous.
You told me to control. I wish I could, but feeling can really control.

If feeling really can really control, that not call “feeling” at all.

In a relationship what is jealous?
You told me that jealous is when you dun trust your beloved.
I disagree to your saying.
I trust you yet I still got jealousy, I dunno why

Please dun come & ask why I have this jealousy,
Is just cant being explainable?

& please dun impatient & ask me why can’t be explainable.
Is just my feeling feel not right?

Being saying a lot of thing, & you just ask me one thing.
Do I really love you or do I just need a company that all?
I hate you when u saying this kind of stupid thing whenever we quarrel.
Every time you said this, you are hurting my heart badly! Totally HURT BADLY!

We being together almost 2 years & yet you come & ask this question?
These 2 years we being together, you really feel that I just need a company that all?
Is this what you really think about this relationship?

I said in a moody tone last night is not I want either.
After all, I didn’t stop you from going out with your friends after your driving lesson
When I don’t really like you to go find your friends.

You told me that when you love her/him, let him/her happy; do what they like.
Yeah I agree so I didn’t stop you going to meet your friends. Is just that my tone some kind of moody.
Blame me again? You tot I really want that stupid tone?
Don’t expect me to give a happy tone to you when I really dun like.
I tried not to act dislike face & tone in front of you. I TRIED! & I really tried!
I tried very hard that make my feeling more miserable & uncomfortable to act in front of you
Yet you say I never tried. Maybe you’re right when you really never feel how I feel that time.
In order to make you happy; I felt miserable in my heart that you don really feel it.
That’s what really called “LOVE”?

Is just a feeling that shows what I am?
Do you really think that feeling is really can be control as easy as you think?
Or maybe you haven met this kind of problem before.

Or could I say you have change?
After you back from china, you have a big group of new friends.
I happy for you.

But this group of friends seem different from Yvette they all.
More gathering; more outing than before.
Which I not really comfortable or use to it with.

Don’t ever ask me why I not comfortable with.

Last time I remember that I do not really like Yvette until I really meet her in person.
She a nice & friendly girl.
From then on, I dun really mind you & Yvette they all together.
Maybe I meet her & have a few chats.

It would be glad that you intro your friend to me so I wont have that kind of feeling
But you said you would like your own privacy.
This word making me hurts!
In a relationship still need privacy? I really wonder?

Maybe you won’t feel it this way as my friends you all know.
Unlike me.

Not saying that after you come back to china you treat me unwell or something.
You like before; treating me nice & well, just then your temper to me seems impatient.
Maybe your temper impatient due to my manners & attitude way of saying.
But I tried not to make your angry or frustrate.

Is like more gathering is not like you as before.
Make me feel that I seem unimportant.
That’s how I feel when you think you dun.

Last evening when we met up, I asked you Saturday where you n your group of friends will be going.
You said maybe catch a movie.
& I asked is it “inception” movie.
I even asked if they watch “inception” how?
You asked me why I asked you.
I tot of asking you to watch this Sunday as I got the tickets.
You just told me to watch other movies instead.
Which make me think that you want to watch with them?

Last time also have these cases.
You watched with your friend the movie that I would like to watch with you.
I also never say anything; but my feeling is disappointed.
Can you ever feel it?

You said that last time I went out with ACCA friend, you never say anything.
Do you know why?
Because you got dota to accompany you to kill time.
Me? Nothing?

& maybe you would say that that’s my problem?
Ask me to go find things to do?

I admit that I very independent in you.
Is it wrong to independent in you?
I didn’t see any reason is wrong when comes to relationship.

Now I know what the meaning of “爱情是自私的”
& you properly will say that there’s no such thing, is my own feeling, own problem causes.

Maybe selfish is my nickname.
Maybe jealousy is my surname.

Maybe your saying is reasonable. I can’t beatable in your saying of reason.
But do you really understand girls well?
Understand girls feeling & emotion is what they want.
Crying is not really girls like.
Quarrel is not really girls like.

Crying in a corner badly when I can’t say or explain my feeling without letting you know.
Crying in front of you on the phone, you told me can I stop crying.
Crying can’t stoppable & not I wan either.
I tried very hard not to cry when talking on the phone.
I tried not to cry, in the end make my nose & eye uncomfortable, it’s awful!

Now, I don’t know how to talk or say to you. I’m speechless.
I know that I sure will cry badly.
& I know that it’s my fault again & again & again.
& I sure will say I really don’t know why I will feel this way

When can I stop making this “fault”?
You want me to promise you?
I can’t, I scare it will happen again.

& what really can I do with it?
I really don’t know!

& my answer will make you frustrate again.
Is not that I want to make you frustrate,
Is that; I really don’t know!

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